The Tower

Sometimes I feel like the universe is in on the joke. I drew the tarot card: The Tower. It’s not a great card to draw. Things are happening to you, you just have to sit and ride the ride until it’s done and then rebuild. Nothing quite so dramatic has happened but my Dad got injured and is currently convalescing in a rehab facility until he can get strong enough to come home.

Hopefully this week he’ll be home at some point but it has been a journey where nothing can actually get done and there is no changing anything and I’ve really just had to sit through this journey until it’s over.

Even though I’ve been stressed a few of my friends have been like, “you seem to be doing okay” and I’m like, “There is literally NOTHING I can do or control at this point, it is what it is”.

A big key to managing the stress is not letting my schedule go to shit. I’ve been doing so good with keeping up my goals so far for the year that I am determined to not let everything go by the wayside. Am I giving myself some grace though? Absolutely. Still tracking food but not being so militant about calories. Skipping my exercise on one day but doing both sets exercises the next day. Looking at my tasks each day and being like, what can I reschedule later in the week, what can I realistically get done on the actual day, and what can I just get rid of because it truly doesn’t matter. It’s been helpful.

Also coupling this all with work where I had to work extra because people had asked for time off. Absolutely no complaints, everyone deserves to have their days off that they ask for. Nothing we do is so important where it can’t happen, it’s just another time constraint to work within. I think I’m doing okay with it.

I am exhausted today though. I may take a nap at some point and you know, that’s fine.

The Five of Cups

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I probably won’t talk about each Tarot Card Draw for the next 50 weeks but I had something to say about this one.

Apparently the Five of Cups is all about Regret, Mistakes, and Trying to Learn From the Past.

Life is long (sometimes) and there are so many choices to make. Choices that are mundane, like how much Splenda to put in your coffee or choices that are life altering, like deciding to end a relationship and the whole gamut of choices in-between.

I have made many mistakes, I have a few regrets. I got slapped in the face with a regret not too long ago (Forgive the vagueness, I’m not quite ready to talk about it) and I’m never going to get to make this better. For me or for the others that were involved. It literally is what it is, and that is all that there will be.

There is too much life to never have any regrets but when you ruminate too long or too often you start getting lost in the weeds and that does happen to me from time to time. My anxieties make my brain run too much and they don’t turn off.

What I am trying to do is to forgive myself for my mistakes and to give myself a bit of grace for my regrets. I always try to act in the best interests of all that are involved and while I don’t think in this particular case I made a mistake, I do regret how it all ended up.

New Year, New Goals

Every year I have so many goals. Some stick, some stick for awhile then go by the wayside, and some are so lofty they never happen.

I’m trying to be very realistic with my goals this year. A lot of my problems with goals come from trying to do too many things every day and then overwhelming myself at a certain point and then falling apart.

One of my goals this year is to Draw 1 Tarot Card a week. I have a couple beautiful sets of Tarot Cards and I want to use them. I got a Tarot Journal last year and it was draw 3 cards every day and then also draw cards for the month and the year and then when the astrology sign changes, ets. etc…it was a lot. So, I’m going to do 1 card a week.

Now do I believe in their power and mysticism? Eh. But what I love to do is use them as a prompt for journaling and focusing or even just thinking of how it applies to my life currently and then I can sit with my thoughts for a bit. A little introspection never hurt anyone.

The first card that I drew for the year was THE QUEEN OF WANDS (upright). Personally, this is a great card to start off the year with, especially since one of it’s meanings is Purposeful Action…i.e. Setting Goals and Achieving them. The Queen knows how to achieve results and gets what she wants. I think this is a strong start!