The Tower

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Sometimes I feel like the universe is in on the joke. I drew the tarot card: The Tower. It’s not a great card to draw. Things are happening to you, you just have to sit and ride the ride until it’s done and then rebuild. Nothing quite so dramatic has happened but my Dad got injured and is currently convalescing in a rehab facility until he can get strong enough to come home.

Hopefully this week he’ll be home at some point but it has been a journey where nothing can actually get done and there is no changing anything and I’ve really just had to sit through this journey until it’s over.

Even though I’ve been stressed a few of my friends have been like, “you seem to be doing okay” and I’m like, “There is literally NOTHING I can do or control at this point, it is what it is”.

A big key to managing the stress is not letting my schedule go to shit. I’ve been doing so good with keeping up my goals so far for the year that I am determined to not let everything go by the wayside. Am I giving myself some grace though? Absolutely. Still tracking food but not being so militant about calories. Skipping my exercise on one day but doing both sets exercises the next day. Looking at my tasks each day and being like, what can I reschedule later in the week, what can I realistically get done on the actual day, and what can I just get rid of because it truly doesn’t matter. It’s been helpful.

Also coupling this all with work where I had to work extra because people had asked for time off. Absolutely no complaints, everyone deserves to have their days off that they ask for. Nothing we do is so important where it can’t happen, it’s just another time constraint to work within. I think I’m doing okay with it.

I am exhausted today though. I may take a nap at some point and you know, that’s fine.

Goal Tracking 2024

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I’ve been a Goal Setter for much of my life so far. It really hit a head when I joined The Geek Girls of The East Valley Meetup back in 2010 and there was a goal setting group within that meet up. Ever since then I’ve taken setting goals very seriously and have meticulously worked at achieving many of them.

A big goal was running. I was running pretty prolifically at one point and was running in multiple races. I had a half marathon a month goal and I even ran a marathon during that time.

I made a comic with my best friend, Connie, and we went to several Comic Conventions hawking our wares and the comic.

Not to mention the many reorganizing and fixing up my house and yard goals for so many of the places I’ve lived at.

Unfortunately, I feel as if this “Goal Drive” of mine has really lost steam the last few years. I had moved again, I was helping my parents out a lot, then a pandemic, and I just felt tired. Was it age? Was it life? Was it everything? Probably.

So this past New Years I sat down and asked myself…what can I do to set some goals, track them simply, and feel as if I’m getting my act together again. I’ve done so many things to track my goals before. On my phone, vision boards, check lists, fancy journals. I never really stuck with it and I felt like I had to do a new type of tracking every time I started something. So this year I made a god damned excel spreadsheet.

My God Damned Excel Spreadsheet.

This is for January. As you can see it’s also a pseudo-mood tracker. Every day I open this up (usually in the morning so I can recount the previous day) and color code the date on how I felt while doing each particular activity. I also built in some rest days so I can choose not to do something but it has to be thought of ahead of time and not just an emergency excuse.

I have a lot of Daily Health Goals because I’m really trying to be consistent with food and working out because I’m trying to get lean and strong. I also fell off books for awhile and I’ve made it so as long as I get 10 pages a day, I’m doing well.

It’s going to be interesting to see how my mood changes as the year progresses because right now it’s January and I’m excited to be doing this. We’ll see how I am in June.

Part of the reason I’m feeling successful currently is because I’m starting off and adding to things very slowly. Part of my goal setting problems is that I got overwhelmed because I would keep adding time for activities and there is only so much time in a day. So I’ve given my self large ranges of times to get to so if I’m feeling extra tired I don’t need to do 11,500 steps…I can do 10,000. I don’t have to do a full 30 minute workout, go for 10.

I’ve added an additional daily goal in February of bein creative for 15 minutes a day. I have a lot of projects I want to complete this year and I just need to nick away at some of them a little at a time.

I also have created both weekly and monthly goals.

Weekly goals are tracking my Blood pressure (always health), Work Website Updating, my Tarot Card Draws (see the previous two blog entries for some extra thoughts on what I’ve pulled) and a place to track my rest days and why I chose to use them.

My Burger Time Relax day was especially exciting.

I do have several monthly goals but a few were left off for my privacy’s sake. One of those goals is just getting out into the world more and you all don’t need to see where I go in my time.

I really want to push myself with cooking so I have a goal of making some Julia Child Recipes a month. At least one a month but I’m doing 2 next month because my mother is looking for a good meatloaf recipe, so I want to try Julia’s, but I also desperately want to try the flan. So that’s still happening. I finally feel that all of my dairy-free alternatives have reached a really good substitution point and feel comfortable attempting these without the true ingredients.

I’ll have to make a post about my Claire Saffitz Christmas Dinner I did and the Julia Child Recipes I’ve done so far.

I also have a couple pages on my spreadsheets on Anime I want to watch with my S.O., the art projects I want to create (there are gift ideas on it, so no pics) and even a cleaning schedule to help me take care of my house without getting overwhelmed (Taskito App will be another post, sometime soon).

It’s the end of January and I’m feeling pretty good and accomplished. I hope I can keep it up!

The Five of Cups

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I probably won’t talk about each Tarot Card Draw for the next 50 weeks but I had something to say about this one.

Apparently the Five of Cups is all about Regret, Mistakes, and Trying to Learn From the Past.

Life is long (sometimes) and there are so many choices to make. Choices that are mundane, like how much Splenda to put in your coffee or choices that are life altering, like deciding to end a relationship and the whole gamut of choices in-between.

I have made many mistakes, I have a few regrets. I got slapped in the face with a regret not too long ago (Forgive the vagueness, I’m not quite ready to talk about it) and I’m never going to get to make this better. For me or for the others that were involved. It literally is what it is, and that is all that there will be.

There is too much life to never have any regrets but when you ruminate too long or too often you start getting lost in the weeds and that does happen to me from time to time. My anxieties make my brain run too much and they don’t turn off.

What I am trying to do is to forgive myself for my mistakes and to give myself a bit of grace for my regrets. I always try to act in the best interests of all that are involved and while I don’t think in this particular case I made a mistake, I do regret how it all ended up.

 
 

New Year, New Goals

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Every year I have so many goals. Some stick, some stick for awhile then go by the wayside, and some are so lofty they never happen.

I’m trying to be very realistic with my goals this year. A lot of my problems with goals come from trying to do too many things every day and then overwhelming myself at a certain point and then falling apart.

One of my goals this year is to Draw 1 Tarot Card a week. I have a couple beautiful sets of Tarot Cards and I want to use them. I got a Tarot Journal last year and it was draw 3 cards every day and then also draw cards for the month and the year and then when the astrology sign changes, ets. etc…it was a lot. So, I’m going to do 1 card a week.

Now do I believe in their power and mysticism? Eh. But what I love to do is use them as a prompt for journaling and focusing or even just thinking of how it applies to my life currently and then I can sit with my thoughts for a bit. A little introspection never hurt anyone.

The first card that I drew for the year was THE QUEEN OF WANDS (upright). Personally, this is a great card to start off the year with, especially since one of it’s meanings is Purposeful Action…i.e. Setting Goals and Achieving them. The Queen knows how to achieve results and gets what she wants. I think this is a strong start!